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Memory problems

April 3, 2011

Omega 3’s help with my memory and confusion, no doubt about that. But it doesn’t fix everything completely.

Lately I have no concept of time. I checked this book (which I enjoyed) out of the library and tried to estimate how many days I’d taken to read it. I guessed four. My mother blinked a few times and informed me that we had checked it out yesterday. It’s like the memories are there, I just, there’s no tag attached to tell me if it happened yesterday or last month.

That spaghetti in the fridge I so clearly remember making recently? I wouldn’t even feed it to the dog. After opening the container I had to open the window and get out my gas mask.

Also my thoughts tangle and fragment until I feel like this:

Yet at other times I feel so empty and calm and quiet, like a hallway filled with repeating elements. There’s nothing new, only smooth transitions from breath to breath.

I felt pretty low a few times recently, worse than I have in a long time. The hardest part was I had no way of knowing If I’d been feeling that bad for weeks or just an hour. Which meant I didn’t know if I would feel better in the morning or  if I’d begin to watch my life fall apart again. I started sending myself emails with timecave, scheduled to show up when I thought I might need them, or writing myself notes where no one else could see.

I don’t know how long it’s been but I’m feeling better now. I have been for the last few days. The confusion started after a particularly stressful week and I think the low moods were just aftershock. I’ve regained some of the lost energy and motivation, and my thoughts have begun to clear.

I think I just needed time to myself to calm my nerves. What helped was I took a break from school and stayed over with a friend. We watched American Idol, ate too many oreos and stayed up till 4 dying a bit of my hair pink. Unfortunately we must have not followed the instructions because the pink is nearly washed out. You win some you lose some.

Thanks again to MisconstrewedReality for the images!  Although I wonder how she got inside my head to take those pictures of how I felt.

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