On Being An Adult

January 14, 2011

I would chalk my uneasiness about all those adult things to my illness and the onset at 14. Depression and psychosis, among other things, made me miss a few things I should have learned. Thankfully though, I was only out of school for a year. But honestly, many other teens out there nearing adulthood are probably dealing with the same kinds of worries. How will I do on my own? Am I responable enough? People tell me I’m not, but I can’t tell if they’re joking. Will I be able to find a job? Will I be able to keep it? What about healthcare/insurence? pfft, dentists. I don’t have money for them. If I brush my teeth, what’s the worst that can happen?

I don’t even know how to write a check. Up till a few months ago I couldn’t drive or use a credit card either. But i’m learning. I guess some of the blind-spots in my real-life education might be different than for others my age, but honestly how many of us know how to manage our finances or do taxes? Suddenly we’re expected to know how to do all these different things, and I keep asking for help but hardly anyone has time. They’ve probably been thrown into water over their heads too I guess.

So this is my last semester. After this I’ll have the 2 year degree from my local college. I still have no idea what I want to do. I  am starting with just the next year, I’d like to get out of Florida and test my sea legs. I’m kind of afraid I’ll relapse once I get out of my comfort zone…

Right now i’m just trying to work hard on homework, do research to try and find out what I want to do with my life, find a job, but mostly live in the moment. It’s hard to live in the moment though, when the realities are there isn’t enough money to buy groceries, gas and pay the bills, let alone go out and do fun things with my friends. I’m praying a lot and it’s taking a lot of faith to trust God. He is the good shepheard and all that.


One comment

  1. I see you’re beginning to feel the invisible societal “push” to be an adult. Uncomfortable huh. It feels uncomfortable for me too.

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