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God has blessed me so much

December 7, 2010

Does anyone else get nervous when things start looking up? After a really hard last coupple of months, and come to think of it, a hard last four years, finally! I feel like things are improving. I’m going to get out of my cage, er, I mean state, and drive someplace snowy for a wedding,  and one of the things I’m most excited about is meeting Ginny, the one who encouraged me to set up this blog. Also, I get to see another friend who moved away. I have one more semester and then I graduate. I must admit I’m nervous. After that I have plans to work in Yellowstone national park which will be closer to extended family whom I miss very much.

When I met Ginny three years ago I thought I wouldn’t ever get here. I thought I would be sick for always. Ginny and I recovered in different ways. While her symptoms diminished, some of mine have diminished while the ones left have deepened and changed. (i.e the voices and visions have developed more and more since they got here, and also are no longer evil or scary.) But I’ve learned to deal with it. I think it’s something I will be dealing with for the rest of my life. I’m ok with that now. (Ask me tomorrow, I might say something different…)

Anyway, let me tell you the story. Ginny and I met on a self-harm forum. Between the both of us I think we had every symptom in the book. We were fairly sick and fairly young, dealing with self-harm, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, eating disorers, night terrors, hallcinations, ect.

I had stopped self-harming and recently gotten out of the hospital’s psyciatric ward, but had to fight from doing it tooth and nail. Many a night was spent up late talking each other out of bad ideas. I trusted her when I trusted no one else, and she was often the one to point out when I sounded delutional. We were dramatic, paranoid, angsty teens, but more than that we could tell there was something akin to illness going on, but no one would listen. Sooner or later we realized we were on our own in this fight because everyone else was in denial.

Some people say “We grew up together.” Well, Ginny and I recovered together. As our illness faded some, we found we had other things in common. We still had tough times ahead of us, but things were getting better and that gave us hope. On quiet friday nights, we lamented being litterally over a thousand miles apart. Since we’re both christians, we prayed we would meet each other eventually. It’s been something our minds and hearts since the begining.

Last winter my brother told me of his new girlfriend. He brought her here that summer and we became fast friends. Later it occured to me that she lived only 2 hours away from Ginny. When he finally proposed and announced the wedding would be in the bride’s town, I began working and saving so I could help out with gas money to make sure we made it there. My parents that are very open to this kind of thing, and it’s arranged that Ginny and I will meet up while I’m there!

In the begining it didn’t seem possible but God has answered our prayers, not only to meet up but also our prayers for the overhwelming pain to let us go so we can begin our lives. He’s also allowed us to make other friends in the meantime. I feel so blessed. We’ve both come a long way. I hate to say it, but some of the other people I used to talk to in the begining haven’t recovered as much as her or I. These kinds of disorders are serious and have the capascity to take your life away, or seriously hinder it’s growth. They are not to be ignored.

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4 comments

  1. I am so proud of you and your recovery ~ Hello My name is Kathy ~ I recently published a book I think is fairly positive about the journey of Chronic illness ~ maybe you could check out my blog at http://kathyhenderson.wordpress.com/ I am new to the whole blog thing ~ your input and help in sharing my story would be very aprreciated ~ I am a new author and new to blogging but would love to help others through my book and this venue ~ thanks Kathy


  2. Thank you Kathy. I checked out your blog, it is on it’s way though still in the beginning stages. I think you would benefit from having an “about” page with a synopsis about your book. I too wish to help others through whatever venue possible.


  3. thanks any help is appreciate ~ although not sure how to do that ~ I actually have been trying to fix a typo on my pafe for about an hour as I spelled journey incorrectly ~ and I can ot even figure that out LOL thanks for your input I am so new to this:)


  4. Thanks so much I figured out how to add an about the book synopsis page ~ thanks again for your help:)



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