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Defending the voices (Or Answer to Prayer part two)

August 7, 2010

I went back to my friend who hears voices (mentioned in this post ,) and confessed that I hadn’t been entirely truthful. He wasn’t upset, which was good. He also asked a little bit more about my voices and we got to talking, but he seemed to resist my assertion that I knew Shirley and Amy and they were not evil, not any more evil than him or I. He of course came back with how the evil spirits dress themselves up as angels of light, which is true but it doesn’t make every angel of light an evil spirit, does it? If only I’d thought to say that at the time.

But… I kind of forgot all of my arguments to back up my assertion. He wanted to take me to some passage where Jesus casts out demons and stuff, and I didn’t want to deal with it. I told him “Listen, I did lots of research years back, and I’ve come to my own conclusions… well not my conclusions, they’re conclusions that the evidence lead me to, and I guess they are my conclusions but anyway, I mean to say that I know what I think I just don’t quite always know how to express it but I do have things to back it up… and you and I are just going to disagree on somethings.”

He asked if I thought I might be being deceived. I wanted to say “What the hell kind of question is that?” but instead I said “Well… if I were deceived my answer would be no. And if I weren’t my answer would also be no…”

And ugh. After he’d gone, Shirley found me leaning against a bookshelf sighing. “I’m worn out trying to defend you.” I said, meeting her eye. And I was. I was really tired. “I know.” She said. “You don’t have to defend me,” she said off-hand, like it didn’t matter. But I could tell it meant a lot to her.

“But I do… it’s not just you I’m defending… it’s all the other voice-hearers too.” I said. And it’s true. How many of us have confided in someone, only to be told we’re possessed by demons, and need to be exorcized or something? How man of us have been told to be a better christian, and all our ills will leave us? And how many of us outside the church realm were told we needed medication, or to be hospitalized or labeled? How long before we’re seen as people?

Not that I don’t think that medication or hospitalization aren’t needed at times, but how can we recover if we’re not treated as human beings?

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