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Just another belated realization

February 3, 2010

Why did it take me 3 years to realize that I wasn’t the only one who was hurt and suffered because of my sickness? That I didn’t have the monopoly on confusion and pain just because I went straight from childhood to mental illness? My family and friends and everyone I knew was affected. Now I feel selfish, thanks to Shirley, who decided that midnight, when I was settling down to go to bed, was a good time to start filling me in on all the stuff I hadn’t seen about my sickest years.

There’s lots of things I could be doing to make up for it… to let them know they do matter, even though just 2 years ago I regarded them all as enemies, as nothing to me… Even though I said all those things and more to their faces.

So I just shrug. Sometimes when you think you’ve forgiven yourself, more guilt crops up.

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